Would you still love Him the most?
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This question was posed to me the other evening. If God were to grant me the one thing I want most in this life, whatever it may be, would He still be number One, the One and Only? Contentment is a concept unrecognized by today's society. It isn't natural to be ok with the present state of things; we always need to fix up our houses, upgrade our computers, find a better job. Sometimes the thing we want most is immaterial, and we spend our hours pondering how we might obtain it or despairing when it seems so far out of reach. We selfishly seek what our sometimes deceitful hearts tell us we need.
Were I asked this question even two months ago, I would have (after some thought) probably spoken a tentative yes. However, I now realize that I am a failure. I have failed God, failed the test.
Not only in this present time but of course in the past as well. And he knew I would. He knows when we all will. Failure is not something I enjoy; as much of a perfectionist as I am, I do most things as well as I can, to the best of my ability. Failure, then, seems like a direct shot at who I am, at essentially what I am. And to fail God, to think that I have disappointed my Creator, well, that one's more than a little hard to swallow.
Why does God let us fail? Certainly not because he takes delight in disappointment, or that he enjoys seeing us in pain when we fall. Rather, I reckon we can look at failure as a gentle lesson. Inevitably, we as humans learn best from mistakes, and sometimes even the wisest words cannot bring us into the light. God has allowed me to fail because inside of me there was some misconceived notion about who I am, the strength of my faith, or how he wants to work through me.
Praise God that he still inhabits the praises of his fallen people, that he is bigger than even our biggest mistake. God is loving, he is infinite, immutable, and transcendent; the fullness of his unchanging love extends infinitely higher, wider, deeper than we can comprehend, because he is over and above all creation and nothing exists apart from his being.
Our minds know it, but do our hearts believe it? Sometimes we have to fail in order to better see God's perfect attributes. Not that failure should be embraced, but it is a chance to more perfectly know our Heavenly Father.. so in this we have hope.
Thus said, I hate ending on serious note.
There once was a man with pointy shoes. I knew him...
